Can you tuck this down here for me, love?

Who's standing in for Richard Keys and Andy Gray? Lots of choice at Sky, then: There's him, him, him, him, him, him, him, him, or him. Oh, and Claire Tomlinson. The departure of Keys and Gray has left Sky Sports in absolute chaos. Don’t be fooled by the conspiracy theory that this was the long-awaited banana skin to get rid of the “Eric and Ernie” of Sky Soccer. It wasn’t; just take a look at what’s replaced them.
With a redundancy package commensurate with an £1.8m annual salary, they may be tempted to put their feet up for a bit, until the heat dies down. After all, Jonathan Ross is back in business after his little faux pas with Russell Brand. One source that cannot be named for legal reasons said: “Keys and Gray… have now announced plans to retire to a SAGA cruise ship together, in order to smoke some cigars and make dirty comments to ship waitresses collecting their soup”. Do waitresses collect soup?
Perhaps the definition of irony is being sacked for sexism by the man that owns The Sun. Today's Page Three beauty is 17 year old Penny (36-24-36) from Newcastle. She says: "Sky were right to sack Andy Gray. It's wrong for men to leer at young girls." You could suggest, Penny, that in this era of political correctness, it’s wrong that young girls still bare their breasts for tabloid money. You can’t have it both ways, love.
Seriously though, and I’m not defending sexism – Lord no – have a look at the “Did You Smash It?” re-mix on YouTube; it’s an amusing pastiche of a conversation which most blokes will have had at one time or another. At worst, it’s an innocent but crude puffing-out of chests between males and, by definition, is not intended for female consumption.
A source at Sky Sports told me: "There's a constant nudge-nudge atmosphere around Richard and Andy. They were always leering." Not any more, they aren’t.
This all began when Sian Massey, a 25 year old female linesman, was officiating in the match between Liverpool and Wolves on 22nd January, at Wolverhampton, which Liverpool won 3-0. Keys, said: “Somebody better get down there and explain offside to her.” Gray replied: “Can you believe that? A female linesman. Women don’t know the offside rule.” Keys then said: “Course they don’t. I can guarantee you there will be a big one today. Kenny [Liverpool manager Kenny Dalglish] will go potty. This isn’t the first time, is it? Didn’t we have one before?”
Later, Kelly Cates, Kenny Dalglish’s daughter, mocked the two presenters’ comments in a message on the social networking site Twitter. Cates, a former Sky Sports News presenter who now works for ESPN, wrote: “Phew am exhausted. Just read about something called "the offside rule". Too much for my tiny brain. Must be damaged from nail polish fumes.”
Now, to live in a world without banter and mickey-taking is to live in a very dull world indeed. But the question is, just where do you draw the line between an innocent bit of fun and comments which degrade and humiliate? The answer must surely lie in “intent”, and I, for one, don’t believe that either Gray or Keys’ comments were uttered with the intention of inflicting suffering. They were thoughtless and ill-considered. In an effort to be funny and add a little colour to what is, let’s face it, a pretty drab subject – namely soccer - they offended the political correctness mafia more than their ‘victims’.
Perhaps if Gray had said “most women don’t understand the offside rule” and “I’d like a small mike in my underpants to make my penis fell less inadequate”, he’d have got away with it.
But I suspect that the next time Gray utters the words: “Can you tuck this down here for me love?” it’ll be in a nursing home and the nurse will have to empty it.